Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
