Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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