I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
