I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
