Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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