How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
