my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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