i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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