I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
