nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
