Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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