watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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