Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
