...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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