Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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