Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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