I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
