Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
