That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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