dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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