I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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