So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
