I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
