Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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