remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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