i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
