i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize