Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
