Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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