I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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