how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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