I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
