Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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