I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
