the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
