yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
