The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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