On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
