i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
