the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
