Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you. Go after that dick
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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