The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
