I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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