This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
