Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
