my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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