Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
