her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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