I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
