I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
