oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there's paper in my vomit.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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