Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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