I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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