i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
