It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
