paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
