K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
