what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
