u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
