I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
