how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
