I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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