All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
