I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
