Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Green mimosas i think yes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
