I like to think it a success when the cops are called
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
