i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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