I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
