a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
