dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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