We got so high we made milksteak
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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